“NYC. What is it about you? I go years without you. You’re big. You’re loud. You’re tough.” So sings one of the seminal songs in “Annie,” a musical that has been on my mind lately. Whoopi Goldberg, EGOT winner and host of “The View,” is one of my daily watch shows – ‘GMA’, ‘The Price is Right’, and ‘Wheel of Fortune’ being the others. (No I don’t watch them every day, but I do try to catch every episode. One of my bucket list items is to be on the Wheel!) – just mounted a very successful holiday run of the beloved show. I also watched a quiet, small, very entertaining, and well-done movie on Hulu this past weekend. “Thelma.” It starred June Squibb as a sweet grandmother conned out of $10k. Grandmother aint so sweet as she hatches a plan to get her money back. Her partner in crime is starring as Daddy Warbucks in the production of “Annie” at his senior assisted living facility. It snuck up on me giving me all the feels at the end.
Fun fact: the original “Annie” Broadway royalty actress Andrea McCardle sang the showstopping “NYC” number in the 1999 televised live version. Current Broadway darling Nicole Scherzinger of“Sunset Boulevard” fame played Grace Farrell in this production. The song accurately details my love-dislike relationship with NYC. My past two columns have waxed poetic on my love of NYC since my move back from Fort Lauderdale in December. But don’t fool yourself NYC is hardcore. It is big. It is loud. It is tough.
You’re Big – NYC is mammoth. Every borough is mammoth. You choose your friends by the borough they live in. More than once I have hit it off with someone in a bar or club – whether for friendship or “love” – and in asking where you live if they say the Bronx immediately the relationship ends before it even begins. A sad expression is shared by both as we realize that our love affair ends before it even got started. Geographically undesirable – even when you live in the same city. Heartbreaking. LOL.
Brooklyn itself is mammoth. There are still parts of Brooklyn I didn’t know existed and have never been to. Gowanus, Kensington, New Lots. I just learned about these neighborhoods by doing a Google Search five seconds ago.
When I ran the Brooklyn half marathon it ended in Coney Island. Coney Island is so far from Williamsburg it took me AN HOUR to get home by subway. Imagine running 13.1 miles and having to travel 60 minutes to get back home. In your own city! The number of people lying on the subway floor wrapped up in those silver space blankets was astounding. And hysterical.
You’re Loud – speaking of the subway and speaking of loud – the two go hand in hand. While the subway works amazingly, on time, no issues a solid 75% of the time – those 25% times can be rough. If 25% seems like a high number 23% of that is purely weekend service. Weekend service – in a word – sucks. Multiple delays, multiple slowdowns, especially outside of Manhattan. And we can’t forget the crazies, the lost, and the homeless. And there are many, many, many of them.
Just yesterday a HUGE fight on the platform erupted as one of said crazies screamed up and down “Watch the Super Bowl tonight, the Democratic Party will finally learn. The Democratic Party will go down in flames” etc etc. A few rather large men did not take kindly to that talk – this is NYC bitch – and bedlam ensued. I did not stick around to find out what was happened next. NYC Rule #1 – when shit goes down run away not towards.
You’re Tough – This one is a no-brainer. You wanna live in NYC you gotta be tough. You need a tough skin to survive here. Oddly enough the tougher you are it seems the nicer you are – in my experience. New Yorkers look out for one another. We take care of one another. The toughest part about living in NYC is probably… finding a public bathroom when you are in need! It’s damn near impossible.
Starting January 27th Starbucks will be requiring customers to purchase to use the restroom or sit in seating areas. This is a reversal of the open-door policy that Starbucks implemented in 2018. Just last week I almost burst trying to find a public bathroom. Luckily I was near “my” Dunkin.’ By mine I mean the one I frequent, thankfully the staff knew me and let me use the bathroom without having to buy anything. But guaranteed if it wasn’t my Dunkin’ I probably would not have been let in.
HUGE thanks to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Center in Chelsea for one- just existing and two- their public restrooms and non-purchasing requirement policy at their cafe. (I always tip the barista whether or not I am making a purchase.) And if you are ever really stuck- download the FLUSH APP for your phone – it will display the nearest toilets based on your location. See, technology is good for some things!
You’re Cold – this one is obvious and it goes without saying. But we will say it again – Bitch it is cold AF up in here! That’s it. No explanation. It’s just cold. Who has two thumbs and moved back to NYC from warm, sunny Florida on December 1st? THIS GUY!
Even though NYC is “too busy, too crazy, too hot, too cold..” it’s definitely a “TOO LATE, I’M SOLD. AGAIN ON NYC!” for me.
(and thanks for letting me live out all my gay musical theater fantasies in this column! Until next time readers!)
*this column was originally published in the March issue of “Letters” magazine.
The Gays of our Lives 