It’s no secret, I love reading. I love books. I love literature. I am always reading something. I love sharing books with friends. I love being in a book club. I loved teaching high school English, loved trying to instill in my students a love of literature. (How many times can I write love in one paragraph!)  Side note, two novels I did NOT love teaching were “1984” and “The Scarlet Letter” – not every American student from now until the end of time needs to read exactly these books. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of books that can be added to the “required high school reading” lists.

Some of my favorite authors include John Irving, Tom Perotta, John Green, Armistead Maupin, David Sedaris. Also love a good beach read from Jane Green or Lianne Moriarty.

If you are looking for your next great GAY read, check out this, by no means exhaustive, list. Many of these titles have been made into movies or television shows, you know the drill – read the book first, then see the movie. The book is always better! (“Gays of our Lives” providing hours of entertainment!) Happy Reading! #readersrock

“Tales of the City” – Armistead Maupin – This book should be handed to every gay man once they come out of the proverbial gay closet. Numerous novels in the series depict San Francisco in the 1970s and 1980s as seen through the eyes of the residents of Barbary Lane. Maupin continued the series a few years ago adding three new novels to show his characters as they grew older and “wiser!”.  The Netflix reboot airs later this year with Laura Linney returning to play Mary Ann along with new cast members including Ellen Page and transgender actress Jen Richards. (Also of interest: “Logical Family” Maupin’s autobiography released in 2017.)

“Like People in History” – Felice Picano – If you are looking for an epic gay novel spanning decades then this is the book for you.  Two gay cousins become best friends amidst the backdrop of historic gay milestones. Set primarily in Greenwich Village, the story moves from San Francisco to Fire Island as the characters witness the modern day gay rights movement begin. One of the first books that I truly saw myself mirrored in the lives on the characters.

“Flesh and Blood” – Michael Cunningham – Another epic family saga, this time a close knit Greek-American family on the Lower East Side of NYC. Heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Truth be told, I was never a huge fan of Michael Cunningham but I am huge fan of this book.

“Boy Meets Boy” – David Levithan – Yes it’s technically a YA book, but don’t let that stop your enjoyment from discovering this modern day gay rom-com classic. Words are words, books are books whether the intended audience is an adult or a teen.  The YA genre is churning out book after book where the gay characters are the main characters, not the funny sidekick, or the sick nobly suffering AIDS patient. The gay characters are multi-dimensional and being gay is NOT the main problem of the story.

This book was the first book I read where two males fall in and out of love with all the hijinks of a “Notting Hill” or “27 Dresses.” (See also: “Two Boys Kissing” and “Wide Awake” from Levithan. His catalog is huge and filled with story after story of cute, charming gay love stories.)

“The Great Believers” – Rebecca Makkai – Devastating. Alternating points of view weave seamlessly together in this story centering on the early days of the AIDS epidemic in Chicago. Have tissues ready.

“The Perks of Being a Wallflower” – Stephen Chbowsky – Another modern day classic. If you haven’t read it by now, stop what you are doing and immediately read this book. Some might wonder as to why this book is included on this list as the main character doesn’t identify as gay.  However, the themes of bullying, depression, loneliness are all too familiar for a closeted gay teen. The novel is at its core uplifting even through all the tragedy. A stellar film version starring Emma Watson only makes this novel even better.

“The Object of My Affection – Stephen McCauley – Yes, I admit I do love the 90s movie starring Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston. But I loved the book years before the movie came out. McCauley, an out and proud gay writer penned this oh so familiar tale of the gay man/straight female best friend relationship, elevating it with sharp wit and beautiful prose.  (See also: “My Ex-Life” and “Alternatives to Sex”)

Michael Thomas Ford novels – I say this with love and no shade, Michael Thomas Ford is the Danielle Steel of gay literature. Soapy romantic escapades ensue in his novels, many set in the gay summer destination of Provincetown, Massachusetts. Grab one of his books, some suntan lotion, a beach umbrella and lose yourself for hours! Popular titles include, “Changing Tides,” “What We Remember,” “The Road Home,” “Full Circle.”

“Hero” – Percy Moore – Also technically YA, this book passed through the hands of every person in our vacation house one summer. The story of a young gay superhero trying find both his superpower and his place in the world speaks to the superhero inside all of us! Inspiring and Empowering!

“Making Gay History” – Eric Marcus – KNOW.YOUR.GAY.HISTORY.

For more gay themed literature check out David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, Patricia Highsmith, Oscar Wilde, Christopher Isherwood and many many others!
HAPPY READING!

Let Me Tell You A Story….

Picture it! Fort Lauderdale, Florida, November 2018.  A tired, uninspired, anxious attorney knocks on his managing partner’s office door to deliver the news 20 years in the making:

“I’ll be leaving the firm, and the practice of law, in December.”

It was a surreal moment for me, one i dreamt of for years but was scared to death to actually make happen. In that moment weight lifted, stress evaporated and I knew, finally, that I deserved to live the life I wanted to live after years of living the life that “was expected of me.” 

I refused to wait. I had finally decided that I would not let any insecurity or fear keep me from realizing my dreams. No more second guessing, it was time to make it happen.  I have launched my personal trainer fitness and nutrition consulting business, Greco Fit (follow me at @grecofit and www.grecofit.com) and I am in the middle of a two month solo travel excursion through Europe.

I have never traveled alone, and never for two months.  This trip has brought me places, geographically and emotionally, that I never knew I’d go. The first two weeks were difficult. I was by myself in cities I’d never been to. It gets dark by 5 p.m. I’m an introvert by nature, so it’s very easy for me to just scurry back to the safety of the apartment and watch Netflix instead of exploring the unknown. But I could feel my soul pushing me back out into the world.

I quickly discovered that you are constantly surrounded by people, many traveling with friends and also by themselves.  Every city I’ve been to has free walking tours if your budget doesn’t allow for paid ones, and you’ll meet tons of people everywhere you go.

Part of my travel includes going to gyms in the cities I’m visiting to interview trainers and shoot video for my own business and of course to workout for myself in between drinking wine and eating pastry! I have discovered that the fitness community around the world is so kind and welcoming that you meet people from all walks of life on the gym floor. We’ve met for coffee, had lunch, worked out together and they’ve given me insight into how to live like a local.

Solo travel has given me the ultimate freedom. I wake up and it’s just me — what I want, where I want, when I want. In that freedom and infinite space of possibility, you meet yourself.   You challenge yourself to push past fears and doubts and find these you come out the other side stronger! There’s no one to pull you in any one direction or override your reasons. Want sushi? Get sushi. Want to leave? Leave. Want to try bungee jumping? Go for it. And yes, some afternoons are still “Netflix and chill” and that’s perfectly fine too.

I think, for me, that is the greatest reward of solo travel: the personal growth. I am learning to be more independent, confident, and in tune with my emotions and desires.

Don’t wait for other people, don’t hold yourself back from living your dreams. There’s only now — and if you don’t go, you’ll regret it. Live your life for YOU, and it will be remarkable.

“All Asian kids are smart.  All blondes are dumb. These are stereotypes. We all know they aren’t true. Not every Asian teen is in the Math Club or AP Physics. Not every blonde girl is ditzy. Obviously. But still the stereotypes exist and the jokes are told. And people laugh. I would like to use this blog to publicly acknowledge that I too have been a victim of cruel stereotypes. I know this blog is a safe space where I can finally once and for all share my story.

Gay men are all neat, stylish and experts in things like interior design and fashion. This is a vicious and damaging stereotype that exists in the world.  For years I have done a terrible job of trying to hide the fact that I am not neat. I am not stylish. I have no idea what throw pillow would match my couch. How was I supposed to know that you don’t wear a brown belt with black shoes? I must have been absent at Gay Orientation the day they covered those topics. I was probably at the gay bar for Happy Hour for a different kind of Gay Orientation!

Now I don’t want to paint this disgusting, horrible picture of me in your head. When I say messy/not neat I refer to clutter more than filth. My apartment is by no means a dump but it is also no where near spotless.  There are not piles of dishes in the sink, there are not weeks old Chinese food containers in the fridge. I have never once seen a cockroach in the apartment I have lived in for the past five years. My friend Jessica* comes over once or twice a week and she has never once told me the toilet was too dirty for her to use (my definition of what constitutes “dirty” is obviously very low!). BUT there is clutter. In lots of different places throughout the apartment.  Books piled up that I will never get around to reading. Old magazines on the coffee table. Unopened mail on the kitchen table. CLEAN clothes on the side of my bed that I don’t sleep on, and yes an unmade bed.

Case in point, I had friends over for game night on Saturday. More than one person texted me Saturday morning to “gently” make sure that I was cleaning and scrubbing the apartment before they arrived. A GIF of Cinderella was also shared.  I did have to ask one friend what cleaning products I should purchase. He didn’t find that question reassuring. Yes the apartment was spotless when the party began. Come Sunday morning it was once again a disaster. So I had to clean it. Again! Seriously?!?!? Cleaning is exhausting!  (To add serious insult to injury, I think the marathon cleaning had me off my game for Game Night, I came in pretty much dead last during “Whats your Meme” – NOT OK! As everyone was winning rounds, I was still card less and moments away from flipping the table New Jersey Teresa Prostitution Whore style!)

There is a small group of people who do consider me neat and put together. I value their opinions tremendously and question their judgment at the same time.  One morning at an offsite workshop a few teachers from my school were sent to, one of my coworkers (straight older married male) asked me if I had hand sanitizer. This question stumped me like no other, I repeated “what?” prob a few times. No one in my 30+ years has ever asked me that question, nor do I think I myself asked anyone else that question. I asked him, “Do I look like someone that carries travel hand sanitizer?”  And he replied straight faced, “Yeah you are always so neat and well dressed and put together.” A third teacher with us, one who knew me better told him “What are you on crack or just blind!” In the re-tellings of this story many friends still to this day believe I fabricated the entire story because they cannot envision anyone giving me that compliment! #alltrue #purelme

Even one or two family members would describe me as neat! I invited 3 of my cousins to brunch at my apartment one Saturday afternoon. Twin sisters Kimberly* and Lily*, and Nicole* were set to arrive at noon. Nicole* misjudged travel time and arrived somewhat early. This being Saturday morning, I am pretty sure the apartment was in less than immaculate condition. I also had barely been awake an hour when the doorbell rang. Nicole* and I caught up over snacks and mimosas while waiting for the twins to arrive, who by this time texted they were running a few (30-45) minutes late. Even though they were late, they showed up with all the ingredients needed for a Bloody Mary bar! (Wow! Is this what adults bring when invited places? Well done!) Sometime during our brunch Nicole* pulls the twins aside to gently ask them, “Did you guys know Robert was a slob?” “Um yeah we’ve known that for years!” they both assured her.  Even as we were group texting this week when I told them about the blog post Nicole* said, “but you are always so neatly dressed and put together!” Bless her heart, at least I fooled her! Kimberly* and Lily* not so much. One out of three ain’t too shabby. #thirtythreepercent

Finally, this rumor of my non-cleanliness lifestyle even spills over to group trips or rented beach houses. For some odd reason, and maybe I am completely imagining it, but it seems like I am always the last one picked when it comes to choosing roommates! There have to be logical explanations for me maybe being chosen last, like — after years of teaching, I tend to be an early riser some mornings. But I also like to read late into the night, or go out to the bars late at night!  (Its either one or the other though, if I am rising early, there was no way I was up late into the night!)

I also have pretty lame and generic tastes in music.  One multiple occasions I have been told, “whenever I hear “Torn” or “Unwritten” I immediately think of you!”  I love hearing that! Those are definitely the reasons! Not the fact that past roommates have shown me the closet and the dresser repeatedly as if I have never seen them before, going so far as to give me step by step demonstrations on how to use them. It can’t be the fact that one roommate was astounded as to how the contents of my luggage seemingly exploded all over our room when we had literally just arrived five minutes earlier. No not those. Definitely the early rising and Natalie Imbruglia.

I am (kinda) a slob. I admit this. And acknowledging your problem is the first step.  I know I am not alone. I know there are more of us gays our there! This is 2019 and you don’t have to be afraid anymore. We can join together and share our experiences and provide much needed support. I will volunteer to host the first meeting at my place.

At least I know I won’t have to clean the apartment!  (That “Tidying Up” chick from Netflix is definitely not invited!)

*all females in this story were given the opportunity to choose their FBN. Fake Blog Name!

@copyrighted January 17, 2019

Awards season 2019 began with Sunday nights telecast of the Golden Globes. And as much as we all know awards, award shows and end of the year lists are completely subjective I thought I would throw my hat in the ring and write about my top television shows from the past year. (Plus for the past few weeks I have written about my failed romances this week needed a lighter topic to write about!)

This is not a top movies of the past year list because I have not seen enough of the Oscar movies yet to compile a list. Definitely want to see “Vice,” “If Beale Street could Talk,” and “A Star is Born.”  

(shows appear on the list in no particular order)

GLOW – Even though I gave the no particular order disclaimer, GLOW is my #1 favorite show from the past year. Season one was really really good. Season two was PERFECTION. The show doubled down on heart and emotion and nostalgia and crafted a seamless season of episodes.  The group of “misfits” reclaiming their voices and doing things their way resonates loudly in 2019. From Rose taking the lead in directing and producing, to Debbie raising her baby as a single mom and Bash gingerly stepping out of the closet, the show has so much HEART.  Storylines also touch upon themes of racism, class inequality, sexual harassment and the early stages of the AIDS epidemic. Cannot wait for season 3 as the ladies make their way to Vegas.

GREYS ANATOMY – Now before you stop reading this post because of the inclusion of the long-running soapy medical drama, you should know, it is STILL the highest rated show on ABC! Which means millions of us are deeply invested in the lives of the doctors and Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital.  And for good reason, week after week this show delivers the goods! Cast members rotate in and out, the new crop of interns slowly became part of the larger ensemble and the storylines are timely. Last season alone had episodes centered on the DACA crisis and the Me Too movement, with the venerable Harper Avery Awards being taken down under a cloud of controversy! Throw in a coming out storyline, characters battling addictions AND brain tumors, plural! There’s a reason Ellen Pompeo is making $20 million this year. Not bad for a show in its 15th season!

QUEER EYE – UGLY CRY. EVERY EPISODE. I love it. I love them. I want to be their friend. I want to go out drinking with them. I want them to makeover my wardrobe and apartment. More importantly, they seem to genuinely care about and want the best for the people they are working with. (And if it’s just acting for the camera, all 5 of them deserve Academy Awards!)  On first glance I thought over the top Jonathan would grate on my nerves, now he’s my favorite – “Yassss queen, work, do it, you’re gorge, I am here for it!” he proclaims! I am here for this reboot.

YOUNGER –  Liza is my hero! This Williamsburg (love seeing all our neighborhood hangouts in the exterior shots!) set comedy revolves around a 40 something divorcee pretending to be a 28 year old millenial to get back in the job market.  Created by the same team behind “Sex and the City,” the show also focuses on female relationships and New York City. Liza’s secret has been out for a season or so but that doesn’t stop the action moving forward. The show could stand to lose her annoying, rude college age daughter though.  Add to the mix two VERY HOT love interests and Debi Mazar as her best friend and roommate, sarcastic lesbian Maggie and its comedy gold. Did I mention Hilary Duff is in it as well!

DIRTY JOHN –  Anything with Connie Britton in it automatically qualifies as a must see in my book (RIP NASHVILLE).  Bravo’s miniseries based on the well known podcast is like a car crash you can’t take your eyes off! Whether you are dumbfounded as to how this beautiful, intelligent, very successful woman married this creep after 2 months, amid huge red flags, or you are ALMOST feeling sorry for John after seeing how he was raised, (calm down I said almost!), it is an addictive guilty pleasure.  With only 1 episode left you know something really bad is going to happen…

RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE – you knew it had to be here! How can it not when week after week these girls leave everything on that main stage! The GIFs alone from the show are reason to watch.  Each week the contestants give master classes in acting, singing, dancing, lip synching, costume design (well not all of them are masters…) No other reality show on tv expects as much on a weekly basis.  With a strong NYC showing year after year, including past winners Aquaria, Sasha Velour and Bob the Drag Queen, try to find a bar in NYC not playing new episodes live week after week. BRING BACK MY GIRLS!

MOM – LAUGH.OUT.LOUD.FUNNY. Sometimes you just need to laugh. And “Mom” brings the funny. Allison Janney deserves all the Emmys she has won for this show and any more that decide to give her. This season, Kristen Johnston joined the cast as lovable newly paroled Tammy and the show is even funnier, if possible.

THE MINDY PROJECT – A sweet rom com week after week, and another NYC based comedy. In the final season, Dr. Mindy Lahiri found her happiness and her happy ending. The trip there were after week was well worth the time invested in the show.  From wise-cracking nurses Tamra and Collette, to fellow doctors Jeremy, Anna and Jody everyone had moments to shine as the show nicely wrapped up all the major storylines.

THE MARVELOUS MRS MAISEL – I did it. I drank the kool-aid and gave in. And I loved it. The first season was pretty damn good. I think the Marketing and PR team should be fired though. Watching the commercials and advertisements for the show, I had no desire to watch it the ads really missed the mark on what the show was about. However, after numerous friends told me how great it was and how much I would enjoy it I gave it a shot. Final moment of season one where she loudly proclaims her stage name – WELL DONE!

NETFLIX SHOWS AND MOVIES – (ranked in order!)  Atypical. Grace and Frankie. Santa Clarita Diet. Ibiza. Like Father. Nailed It. Bird Box. Friends from College. Kimmy Schmidt.

As you can blatantly see I tend to shy away from overly violent, dark, gory shows. The real world is scary enough. I have no problem gravitating towards lighter fare in my entertainment. Sunshine rainbows and unicorns…well maybe just a happy ending. I don’t want my favorite television characters getting chopped up into little pieces. Or beheaded at a wedding. Marriage is tough enough (or so I am told)

The past year has been a reckoning for powerful, corrupt, shady men to finally pay the piper for years of criminal behavior, sexual assaults, and the mistreatment of those in inferior positions.  Most notably, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey. Looking back on these events, I’ve also taken stock of my own experiences and I think perhaps I came very close to having my own PG-13 #MeToo moment.  I think. However, it definitely wasn’t a MeToo moment, because I flipped the script and used the situation to make sure I got what I needed. Wait, did I MeToo him?

Anyone in the education world knows how slow the state board can be when it comes to certifications, accreditations, testing and all the other tedious pieces of paper teachers have to obtain (at a very pricey fee) in order to keep teaching.  I had just moved out of NY state in the early 2000s for graduate school. I was eager to begin teaching in the area. Graduate school is hella expensive and I needed to pay for it! Knowing the process takes a year and a day (if lucky!) I had all my documents certify mailed to the state offices MONTHS before the school year was set to begin.  Come August 1, still no certification. A road trip had been planned for the next week since opening day of schools was fast approaching.

That Friday night, I randomly started talking to a man at a cocktail party and could tell he was hardcore flirting with me (one just knows these things after all) and casually mentioned I was a teacher.  I began to explain the problems I was having with the state offices. Lucas (not his real name) told me he worked for the Department of Education in a local office and could probably help me out! HALLELUJAH!  Appointment made for that Monday, in two days. Now here is where it starts getting a little dicey.

The “subtle” flirting became a full on onslaught of sexual innuendo and lame ass pick-up lines. It was hard not to see how visibly uncomfortable I was.  Here I was stuck in a rainbow colored catch 38! I desperately needed this appointment but I wasn’t really attracted to him. He seemed like a decent guy, minus the overt sexual harassment.  I quickly made up some excuse, a boyfriend still in NY who I was madly and deeply in monogamous love with. He accepted this half-truth/blatant lie but the flirting continued. I finally excused myself from the conversation and the party and spent the rest of the weekend preparing for my “interview.”

Monday came around, I dragged my hungover self out of bed at 8am, showered, dressed and put on my lucky tie!  Lucas ushered me into his office quickly shutting the door behind me, enveloping me in a hug and began caressing my ass with his hands.  How considerate of him! I didn’t return the affection, but I did, remind him of my (nonexistent) faraway longtime companion and we got down to official teacher business.  Actual business not monkey business!

Thirty somewhat uncomfortable minutes later I exited the office with my fingerprint clearance, drug test appointment and two interviews.  I also left with my two certifications — the certifications had already been approved and were probably already en route to me via snail mail.   I ended the day with 2 job offers and quickly accepted the one I felt was the best fit for me. It was a middle school ELA position taking over for a woman going on maternity leave.  At the end of the year, the job is hers to go back to, however, she was at the school the day of my interview. She pulled me aside and assured me that she had no intentions of coming back next year and that the job would be mine and that I needed to take it.  I thanked her profusely, and silently thanked whoever necessary for once again, putting me in the right place at the right time.

I kept in contact with Lucas throughout my teaching career in Florida.  I would go to his office, pretty much, anytime I needed something: renewing or adding certifications, registering for workshops and continuing ED classes.  I would casually drop by his office, say hi, get felt up a little and see if he was free for coffee or lunch. At some point I would casually mention what I needed.  Lucas was no dummy and more than once said “You only come to see me when you need something”. During those years, I created a variety of excuses as to why Lucas and I couldn’t take our “friendship” to the next level.  These excuses included me being celibate for a year to better myself. Also my nonexistent faraway boyfriend cheated on me, (even my fake boyfriends are jerks!), dumping me, breaking my heart and leaving me so shattered I was unable to even think about dating.

Writing this post I kept asking myself if I felt guilty about how I handled this situation. I know this might sound callous and cold but truthfully I don’t.  Looking at the bigger picture, thank to Lucas, and me being in the right place at the right time I was able to accomplish many things that I am proud of.

I got to work in three excellent schools, under the guidance of amazing principals and administrators.  I collaborated and befriended many outstanding teachers who served as mentors and friends, many of whom I am still close with today.  I had the chance to inspire, empower, and motivate over 1,000 young adults, trying to instill in them a love of literature. I coached young athletes on swimming and cross country teams.  I moderated clubs like FEA (Future Educators of America) and a Diversity Action Club, beaming as my students found the power to be the change they wanted to see in the world. My Insta feed is filled with former students and I love watching their lives and accomplishments and wins.

Was it my finest moment? Hardly!  Did it make my life easier and my teaching career smoother? A thousand percent. To be perfectly clear, Lucas in no way shape or form got me any job, but he did provide the open door that I desperately needed.  We both knew what the other was doing – we were both getting what we wanted and I think I got the better end of the bargain here. In the end, Lucas was a decent guy who knew he could help someone out that needed a break, and isn’t that what we should all strive to do.  So I got felt up a little here and there, a small price to pay for all that I got in return.

In the 90s and the early 2000s, MTV had a hit documentary series telling first person POV experiences. Each episode derived its title from the story it told, for example  “True Life: I have Diabetes,” or “True Life: I’m Getting Married!” My friends used to tell me if I was profiled on the show the title of the episode would be “True Life: I Fall in Love on Vacation”.

In past years, the trips my friends and I have taken together would inevitably begin with me meeting “the man of my dreams” on day one or two.  He would then join our group for the duration of the trip and essentially we would be in a long term committed relationship. For.A.Week. The trip would of course end in tears, usually on my end, with the promise of texts, phone calls, Skype sessions and weekend visits. Big mistake. Huge.  Trying to bring the relationship into the “real world” and out of vacationland causes the inevitable end, usually going down in a ball of gay flames.

On an Atlantis Cruise I fell head over heels in like with a handsome European dude on day one, party one.  We quickly became inseparable for the the trip, even having our own “spot” on the ship where the two of us would spend time together when we needed a break from the big parties.  How cute were we? (Vomit if you must, I completely understand.) Exiting the boat, my best friend and cruise roommate Jack, almost in tears himself kept telling us how sad he was for us.  My new boyfriend and I made plans for me to visit him during my Spring Break, (I was teaching middle school at the time) roughly six weeks away.

We emailed daily, and on Valentine’s Day, the intercom in my classroom buzzed telling me a student aide was delivering a package to my classroom.  Two minutes later, the door opens and I see a large bouquet of flowers floating on air into my classroom. Students erupt into cheers, and “oooh Mr. Dominic has a girlfriend.”

About a week before my Spring Break trip abroad his emails seemed different somehow, and were less frequent than the past weeks.  Asking him if everything was ok, he assured me we were good and he was looking forward to spending time with me. A few days later I arrive in London, and while still in the arrivals section of Heathrow Airport my beau lays it on me that he “has met someone else and he thinks their relationship has the potential to turn into something special and obviously his situation has changed.”  I felt like I had been sucker punched. Which technically I guess I was.

To make matters worse, his new BF worked in the gay district of London and apparently gave strict instructions to not bring the American bloke anywhere near his bar.  After the initial shock, disappointment and anger subsided I tried to salvage a fun trip but staying with my now “ex-boyfriend” and spending all day together proved to be more stressful than enjoyable.  Luckily I was rescued by an acquaintance from college who I met up with to have drinks with one night. Sensing the tension he texted me offering his extra bedroom for the remainder of my stay. Jumping at his generous gift a new trip began for me as he took me to dinner parties, bars and museums.  I boarded my flight feeling much less heartbroken than when I had arrived. I am forever grateful to my white knight, Jonathan. #scrantonroyals

A few years later, during a weeklong trip to Provincetown, Massachusetts, I once again met “the man of my dreams.”  As usual, he spends the week with my friends and I and of course we plan to meet in the real world, Atlanta this time.  My suitor proceed to tell me he has to work for most of the weekend. He told me this after I arrived (I am starting to sense a pattern).  Luckily, he had an amazing group of friends who took me under their wing assuring me it wasn’t me who was the problem, their “friend” really isn’t all that great of a guy.  About a year later the Atlanta “ghost” sends me a text with an apology detailing that he had been suffering in silence from severe depression due to the death of a family member a few months earlier. He further mentioned that he hid it from everyone he knew. He profusely apologized for the way he treated me, even offering me a free ticket to come back and see him so he could make it up to me.  I thanked him for the text and the apology, wished him luck on his recovery, and declined the offer of another visit. Fool me once…

Finally, a 50th birthday trip for my friend Will in Puerto Vallarta gave me the chance to break my cycle.  Thirteen friends were invited by Will to stay in a beautiful house on the ocean, which came complete with a dog — that I somehow adopted for the week.  I would walk him in the morning on the beach and he would sleep in the room I shared with my friend Phillip. We were the only two single men on the trip so I guess the dog liked the fact there were two beds in our room for him to sleep under, scaring us most nights when we stumbled in drunk forgetting he might be hiding beneath one of the mattresses!  

I made a pact with my friends – no LOVE on this trip!  The pact was unbreakable. Until the last night, the last bar we hit, I met a stunningly handsome Mexican/Canadian man who approached me asking if he could buy me a drink.  Fast forward to me postponing my flight home an extra day to spend another night in PV with my new friend. Upon leaving, we made plans to meet in Mexico City for New Years.  Once back on dry land, our emails and phone calls did not contain the same spark we had in PV, and we struggled to find common things to talk about. We mutually agreed that cancelling our upcoming trip was the right move.  If I had a therapist I think he would call this “my breakthrough”.

So what have I learned, if anything, from all these failed “romances”?  In more recent years my relationship free vacations for the most part, have been just as fun, just as crazy, just as relaxing and just as entertaining as the ones I just described, except with no tears at the end! And there have been trips where I could have behaved better, and made better choices. Each trip, each day we are given opportunities to do better, to be better and it is up to us to follow through and decide who we are going to be.

Next Spring I would love to go on another cruise. This time “True Life: I Fall in Love on Vacation” has officially been cancelled and is not up for renewal!  Lessons learned. Unless I meet the man of my dreams. I mean, you have to give love a chance, right?

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“I didn’t choose to be gay, I just got lucky!