Lets face it, being gay is expensive! Gays are active, mobile, on the go, always in front of the latest trend or newest pop culture sensation. We always have a drag brunch to get to, a birthday party to attend or a “Hey It’s Wednesday the work week is half over” party! Teaching in the public school system for 15+ years, I have always been on the “poorer” end of the spectrum out of my group of friends. In recent years its gone from bad to GAY POOR!

From 2005 to 2011 I was living, working, and went to Graduate School in South Florida. I taught middle and high school for the Miami-Dade County Public School System. I was barely making $45,000, and that was only because I coached two teams and moderated a few student activity groups earning stipends. However, the cost of living was so low I never really felt GAY POOR!  During my years there, I lived in three gorgeous large apartments, all with balconies, all with pools. One apartment complex even had two pools, plus a sandwich shop and liquor store. We lovingly called it “the compound” and wouldn’t leave the grounds some weekends!

Moving back home to NYC things were VERY different, financially speaking.  Even though my salary more than doubled it seemed money disappeared much quicker once I became a Brooklynite! #Williamsburgrepresent

Everything costs more in NYC. When using my debit card the Thursday before a Friday payday, I would hold my breath swiping it through the machine hoping against hope it would say “APPROVED!” I think only one time it got declined. No sour patch kids and US Weeks magazine for Robby that day!  And trying to amass a rainy day fund or savings account – nearly impossible.

A few years ago I made a somewhat bold, somewhat risky decision to leave the NYCDOE with the intention of kick-starting a writing career.  Here I am years later standing before you GAY POOR!

If I thought living in Williamsburg on a public school teachers salary was hard, I was not prepared at all for the realities of living in Williamsburg on a part time substitute teachers slash English lit tutors slash freelance writers slash bloggers salary! That is the very definition of gay poor!

Yes, Gay poor can be considered a “first world problem,” I make enough to cover rent, utilities and basic gay life needs. I know I am better off than a vast majority of people on this planet but for the purpose of this post please allow me to vent about being GAY POOR!

GAY POOR means no $3,000 summer share on Fire Island.

GAY POOR means no yearly vacations to a different beautiful exotic location. Each year the location changes but weirdly all the gays know beforehand where to go! Past locations included Tel Aviv, Barcelona, Mykonos, Sydney and Puerto Vallarta.

GAY POOR means no pricey skin/face/eye cream lotions from Kiehls. Target store brand works just fine (its actually pretty good! #welovetarget)

GAY POOR means no trips “to the dentist” every six months to smooth out those lines that start appearing on our faces once we hit 40.

GAY POOR means cutting old jeans into super cute shorts.  Add them to your closet instead of buying ALL new ones every Spring.

GAY POOR means doing your laundry at the laundromat instead of sending it out to be done.

GAY POOR means drinking vodka sodas at the bar and not Titos and soda. {hell yes we are still going out we are Gay Poor we are not nuns!}

GAY POOR means going out shirtless dancing in the clubs once a month, not once every weekend. {Maybe we can chalk this one up to getting older!}

GAY POOR means taking the subway home from Hells Kitchen at 2am after a fun night with friends, not an Uber.  {dont worry about my safety, L train is hella crowded at that time, cant even get a seat!}

Looking forward to the day I am a successful, HIGHLY PAID writer so I can look back fondly on these leaner days and be all like “Not Today Satan!” For today, its fine and lets face it — it can always be worse!  Who is ready for a trip to Target? Robby needs some face cream 🙂

The last Sunday in June holds a special place in my heart. The last Sunday in June holds the title of one of my favorite days of the year:  NYC GAY PRIDE. The energy, the excitement, the love, the camaraderie felt in the city and on the streets is electric and infectious. This year, add 2 million more visitors to the city as NYC hosts WORLD PRIDE! I am extremely proud to have participated in the past 15+ Pride parades, marching with different contingents from “It Gets Better”to “Gays Against Guns,” and The Gay and Lesbian Center. There have also been years where you may have seen me dancing in a speedo on floats for “HX,” “Next,” or “Univision”.  Last June I was thrilled to be representing the “GayTrippersNYC” float. GayTrippersNYC is a gay travel company owned and operated by my friend, John DiStefano. (Yes. this shameless plug hopefully gets me a free trip!)

The nation’s first Gay Pride Parade was held on June 28, 1970. The parade was held on the 1 year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, when members of the gay community clashed with police for raiding the Stonewall Inn in Manhattan. #knowyourgayhistory

Now let me preface what I am about to discuss with the fact that I had an ABSOLUTE BLAST last year, and every year, marching and on the float. And that I still believe Gay Pride is just as important, possibly even more important today, than in 1970. Pride STILL matters.  Coming out STILL matters. Visibility STILL matters. That’s not to say that Gay Pride is for every single gay person. My friend Phil tells me, “Robby, I have done pride for more than 20 years, it’s someone else’s turn. I will be on Fire Island for the weekend.” (You go Phil) Celebrating Pride however and wherever you want is why we have Gay Pride!

However, the management of the NYC Parade, specifically, ‘Heritage of Pride’ needs to be completely overhauled and reconfigured.   Gay Pride, first and foremost belongs to the LGBTQ community and each year Heritage of Pride succeeds in making it feel less and less like Pride and more like SantaCon or St. Patrick’s Day.

For the 2nd consecutive year the parade runtime passed 9 hours. NINE HOURS. Think about that for a minute. Would you stand and watch a parade or anything straight for nine hours? I wouldn’t and I don’t know anyone that would. There are simply too many groups marching. Period. 450 groups. Even typing that number seems insane. Watching 450 groups march by sounds more overwhelming than fun.

Second, HOP buried the resistance groups like “Act Up,” and “Rise and Resist” way back in the last half of the parade, when they should be LEADING the march.  HOP has come under major fire from the LGBTQ for allegedly moving publicized meeting dates and times without any notice. Is this to keep community leaders from attending and voicing their concerns?

Third, the wristband requirement “enforced” last year was a complete and utter fail and epic waste of time and energy. I saw more people marching and on floats WITHOUT wristbands than with. In addition, “Gay City News” reported than HOP gave special permission to 11 corporations letting their marching group exceed the 200 person limit. This limit is supposedly to keep the parade shorter than years past. We know how well that worked out. HOP declined to comment for the “GCN” article. Of course they did.

I am well aware many people worked tirelessly and endlessly to make the day a success, and I am beyond grateful and thankful.  Looking back, the question that needs to be asked is – Was the day a success?? Many feel that it was not.

It is quite a different parade for a group marching at 2pm to throngs of screaming friends and allies, and crowded streets of people waving and clapping, than for a group marching at 7pm. Late in the day groups are greeted by almost empty streets and few onlookers. I know this because I have marched at 2pm and I’ve marched at 7pm.

How do we improve the Parade?  I don’t pretend to have any answers or solutions, but there should be conversations between HOP and the LGBTQ community. Proposals can range from raising the price of floats but limiting the amount of groups that march from 450 to 250.  HOP can hold a lottery for admission to the parade, guaranteeing admission in the next year if you don’t get in the current year. With less floats and less marchers, the parade can run 6 hours and not 9, requiring less overtime for the police guarding every street like Fort Knox and making travel around downtown Manhattan virtually impossible.

Finally, resistance and community groups belong in the FRONT of the parade to honor the memory of those that came before us and the thousands upon thousands who fought for our hard earned rights. Yes, Pride is a day for everyone to celebrate and to come together in joyous celebrations. But first and foremost, Pride belongs to the LGBTQ community, and it’s time we take it back! That is why this year I will be marching in the Queer Liberation March starting at 930am in front of Sheridan Square and marching towards Central Park! #RECLAIMPRIDE

by Noah Cohen, contributing writer.

I’m sitting in the car, staring out the passenger window, watching the other cars go by. Music is playing on the radio, but I’m not paying attention. Thoughts are whirling around my head like bees in a hive, as I try to process what I am feeling, or rather, what I think I should be feeling. Moving to a new city is a big deal, right? On one hand, the uncertainty is daunting and everything I’ve known is now about to change. On the other hand, I’m feeling underwhelmingly calm, as though this is just another car ride, with the difference being that all of my stuff is in the car. The two feelings juxtapose in my head.

Adapting to new environments hasn’t been much of a struggle for me. I’ve been fortunate enough to travel to over twenty countries, I went away from home for college and I lived in Sydney, Australia for six months. I’ve found that I can acclimate well when spending time or living in other places. There’s one commonality, though, that all those places share: each destination had an end date and nothing was permanent. For the first time, I would be leaving to go somewhere for an indefinite amount of time without a return date. There’s a beautiful chaos in feeling like the world is your oyster, but also not being sure whether or not you enjoy shellfish. What’s at stake, really, besides for my happiness – or possible lack thereof?

I graduated from college about a year ago. After graduation, I moved back in with my parents in Westchester, New York. It was a great place to grow up, and I had a very comfortable upbringing, but my town is not a conducive place for twenty-somethings to meet a lot of other people. Two of my best friends were home as well, which was amazing and I really enjoyed getting to spend so much time with them, but I yearned to meet new people as well. Developing a gay network in my hometown didn’t seem too feasible either, and I longed to meet other gays and feel that I’m part of a community. I knew I needed to be in a city for these things to happen, and I had two in mind: New York or Washington D.C. I always lived near New York – the thrill wasn’t there as much for me and I think there’s such thing as too much to do and too many people to try to form bonds and relationships with. There was also one major thing that was swaying my decision towards Washington – my boyfriend lives there.

On my first full day of living in D.C., my boyfriend and I decided to go for a long walk around the city. Any sense of tranquility I was feeling the day before in the car had dissipated and a flow of emotions, worries and anxieties surged though me like a current through a wire. Any bottled up or suppressed emotions came out, and in that instance I was a complete and utter mess. Seeing these unfamiliar streets, unfamiliar faces… I felt lost and that I didn’t belong there. I was questioning absolutely everything and wondered if I would really be happy here or if it was just wishful thinking.

Those aforementioned anxieties and worries were quickly resolved. I would soon meet people – a lot of people. I felt happy and a sense of belonging to my new city. My boyfriend and I put up artwork I had brought up in the apartment, and lined the tops of our dressers with pictures of special people in my life. We worked to turn a house into a home – a place we could share together. Things really clicked and made me realize that I definitely made the right choice. I’ve been here two months now, but it feels like so much longer, in a very good way.

My situation and circumstances for moving to D.C. were certainly unique. I didn’t have a job lined up. It took me a month of searching once I got here before I even got an interview. The plan was that I was going to move in with my boyfriend at his place (another major first for me: living with a significant other). Should it not have been for his understanding and patience, there’s no way I would have taken that chance to move here on my own without first having that all figured out.

My boyfriend was extremely supportive while I searched for work, and because of that I was able to find a full-time job that really appealed to me, as well as a part-time job and some contract work. He made my transition in moving so much easier, and I truly don’t think my experience would have been even remotely as positive without him helping and accompanying me on my journey. And what a journey it’s been so far – so much in my life has changed in the last couple of months, and though frightening at times, change can be a truly wonderful thing. I wasn’t unhappy before, but I didn’t think it was possible for me to be as happy as I am now. I want to say thank you to the people who have been a catalyst for positive change in my life. I’m a D.C. resident, I’m living with my partner, I’m meeting amazing people and I’m so excited to see what new changes continue to evolve in my future.

The fans of “RuPauls Drag Race” are some of the most passionate, and most vocal when it comes to discussing their favorite queens, who won, who got robbed and who slayed it on the runway. The most recent episode of the current season – SNATCH GAME has become many viewers favorite episode of the season. There have been 14 Snatch Game episodes, each with roughly 8 queens. That means there were 112 performances eligible for this list. As with every list and every award, this list is subjective, based on my opinion (and how the queens fared during the episode). Read, enjoy, discuss – but please keep your comments classy and nice. We are all friends here. #teameveryone

(Queens will be grouped by fives, in alphabetical order.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS (#12-16)

Adore Delano – Anna Nicole Smith

Alexis Michelle – Liza Minelli

Katya – Bjork

Monet Exchange – Maya Angelou

Pearl – Big Ang

THE RUNNER UPS (#6-11)

AQUARIA as MELANIA TRUMP – The season 10 winner and lewk queen snagged herself a Snatch Game win few saw coming with her sendup of FLOTUS Melania Trump. Handing RuPaul a Tiffany box “present” with a SAVE ME note inside started Aquaria off on a high note and she never let up. She had many zingers and all of her answers were political, timely and in sync with the questions asked. “Russian Hooker Urine” and “No wonder my husband hates China so much” were two of her best.

BOB THE DRAG QUEEN as UZO ADUBO AND CAROL CHANNING – The only queen (until Nina West last week) to give fans TWO celeb impersonations during the game, the season 8 winner earned her place on this list and then some. Her lesbian-esque Adubo was good but her Carol Channing was laugh out loud funny. Just ask RuPaul, and if you make Mama laugh – you are good to go! “I havent taken anything stronger than Lipitor since 1986. You can’t get a good buzz off of that!”

BIANCA DEL RIO as JUDGE JUDY – I already hear the gay gasps as season 6 winner (and my all time favorite Drag Race queen) is placed in the bottom half of the top 11. Hear me out before you revoke my gay card!  Bianca tore it up as Judge Judy, but did not have enough material and enough interactions with the other queens to vault her into the top 5. There was also too much Bianca mixed in with her Judge Judy impersonation. Her “beauty fades, dumb is forever” read – hilarical.

CHAD MICHAELS as CHER – You knew it was coming, you were waiting for it. The expectations for Cher impersonator Chad Michaels in season 4 were high and girl delivered on all fronts. The first queen with multiple costume and wig changes during the Game clinched her win with the line “I don’t know why they book on these chicken shit gigs. I’m an Oscar winner!”

JINX MONSOON as LITTLE EDIE – A bold decision to play someone some viewers might not have a reference for solidified a Snatch Game win for the eventual winner of the season.  As stated above, you make RuPaul laugh, you are good to go and Jinx did that convincingly. Throwing a lifeline to the drowning Ivy Winters gave Jinx her best line of the night, “Quite the scandal…with my cousin actually (JFK), it was in all the papers at the time.”
TATIANNA as BRITNEY SPEARS – Tatianna transformed herself into Britney Spears complete with nervous tics, gum chewing and doe eyed naivety.  She grabbed herself the first ever Snatch Game win with answers relevant to Britney and her chaotic life at the time of the episode being filmed.

THE TOP FIVE – HERE WE GO…

ALASKA as MAE WEST –  The All Stars 2 winner won Snatch Game winner tearing the roof off the join with her portrayal of Mae West.  Even for viewers who had no reference for Mae West knew exactly who she was at the end of the game. Telling guest judge and drag race fave Jujubee “I’ve seen you at the free clinic!” HA.  “What are you talking about, I beat around the bush all the time!” #legendary

BENDELACREME as DAME MAGGIE SMITH – Stealing the win from Bianca Del Rio was going to be near impossible but Benda steamrolled the rest of the queens with her Maggie Smith. Guest judge Gillian Jacobs told her she had been repeating her “Excuse me! We originated the language” joke non stop since she said it. She also killed it when she envisioned liqour flavored with “Citrus! Can you imagine that!!”

GINGER MINJ as ADELE – Choosing to play Adele as a somewhat ditzy drunk played off in spades as Ginger tied for the Snatch Game win in season 7. Ginger came prepared with props including awards, and food which she consumed nonstop.  Her answers – genius and. Telling “Suze Orman”, “I love you Justin Bieber,” to “So it’s not a very good song, I probably still won an award for it” had Rupaul in stitches.

KENNEDY DAVENPORT as LITTLE RICHARD – I wouldn’t call it a bold decision for Kennedy to play a male character in the Snatch Game, because I don’t think she realized she wasn’t “allowed” to bring a male celeb to the table.  All was forgiven the minute she opened her mouth. Little Richard was hella flamboyant, but more important, really really funny!  Comparing himself to Batman and Robin saying they all like a “bathhouse with dark rooms and gloryholes…” and giving the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz, “a tight screw because we all like a tight screw” nailed her a win, tied with Ginger’s Adele who Little Richard told “wrong note sugar!”

TRINITY TAYLOR as CAITLYN JENNER – In All Stars 4, they wisely rebooted the Snatch Game as the Snatch Game of Love, with 4 queens at a time vying for a date with an eligible bachelor.  Trinity was miles ahead of every other queen with her Caitlyn Jenner perfecting her mannerisms and political views, telling guest celeb Gus Kenworthy he looked like a “poor democrat.” and “dont touch me” when he went in for a hug!  She also read Valentina’s boring Eartha Kitt, “I find you annoying.”

This past Friday, I participated in a protest with Gays Against Guns to commemorate International Women’s Day. The silent protest, featuring “Human Beings,” was held on the steps of the Bryant Park Library and honored the countless women lost to gun violence in this country.  Human Beings are veiled figures in white who hold placards featuring the image of a person lost to gun violence. It is no secret that gun violence is an epidemic in this country. If you think otherwise, you need to get your head out of your ass, respectfully.

A
The first GAG meeting was June 17th, 2016, five days after the Pulse massacre. Attendees united in the realizing that this was no longer acceptable and something had to be done.  They turned their anger and outrage into action. Many victims at Pulse were young adults in their 20s and 30s, out for a night of dancing and celebrating with friends. Bodies of multiple victims were riddled with bullets. A dozen or so were found in bathroom stalls, where they tried to hide, begging the shooter for their lives.

GAG NY is an inclusive direct action group of LGBTQ+ people and their allies committed to nonviolently breaking the gun industry’s chain of death – investors, manufacturers, the NRA and politicians who block safer gun laws.  GAG is NY based but work with GAG chapters in other cities to ensure safety for all individuals, particularly vulnerable communities such as people of color, women and those who struggle with mental health issues, LGBTQ+ people and religious minorities.

A little over a year ago, 17 people, many of them teenagers, were slaughtered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. Since then, survivors Emma Gonzalez and David Hogg among others have become leaders in the fight against the NRA.  The “March For Our Lives” in DC with over 1 million attending was one of the largest protests in American history. The tide is turning, the war will be won.

GAG members participate in a variety of protests and demonstrations. Their largest action — marching in the NYC Gay Pride parade numbers over 200 attendees. Every 15 blocks GAG members lie down on the street. The “die-in” provides a searing visual of what dozens of people murdered in a mass shooting actually looks like. 59 people were murdered in Las Vegas. By one man with documented mental health issues and violent tendencies, who had access to an arsenal of weapons. 59. Fathers. Mothers. Husbands. Wives. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. Friends. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. FIFTY NINE.

GAG also demonstrated on the 26th of each month outside FedEx. The 26th represented the 26% discount NRA members were given for shipping a gun. The NRA’s influence and power is waning, slowly but surely.. NRA puppets are being voted out of office one by one. A few months ago FedEx finally severed their relationship with the NRA! #GAGforthewin

This past summer I joined GAG on a day trip to Fairfax, VA to protest outside NRA headquarters.  The bus was filled with 30 activists ranging in age from 16 to 70. People from all different backgrounds, young, old, male, female, gay, straight, married, single; all sharing the same goal. Some have been personally affected by gun violence. Many have been politically active for decades. I was honored to hear stories from ACT UP members, stories from the beginning of the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. During the round trip bus ride, many of us shared our reason for joining GAG.

I myself spoke about my years as a classroom teacher and the feelings of complete heartbreak, anger and fear I felt after Columbine. After Virginia Tech. After Sandy Hook. After Parkland.  I could not imagine losing any of my students. The Virginia Tech and Sandy Hook shootings followed somewhat the same pattern.  Meaning most of the victims were found in the same two or three classrooms. Once the shooting started, the students in further away classrooms realized what was happening and had time to escape. One professor made sure every student escaped out the windows of their classroom, using himself to hold the door shut keeping the shooter out, ultimately sacrificing his own life so the others could live.  Teacher Victoria Soto hid her students in the bathroom of the classroom when the shooter entered. She too threw herself in front of the shooter trying to save her students. Sadly, the shooter killed her and most of her first grade class.

Heroic teachers in Sandy Hook spent hours with up to 20 students crammed in a tiny bathroom. High school and middle school teachers, like myself, in that situation might not be so lucky. In an active shooter situation if the shooter got into my classroom, there is a 99% chance most of my students and myself would die. There is nowhere to hide there is nowhere to go there is nowhere to run.  A few years ago during a lock down drill, the students laughing and joking – not taking it seriously. I told them “I am not going to die in this classroom because of you cant keep quiet.” I also gave them a 0 out of 4 on their daily scorecard, writing “behavior unacceptable during lock down drill.” Naturally, the students were not spoken to further about it by a guidance counselor or administrator. I, however, was called into the Principal’s Office wanting to know why the students received a 0 and if I wanted to change that score. I did not.

The preferred weapon of choice for a mass shooter is the AR-15.  The amount of bullets an assault weapon shoots in less than a minute is astounding. This is one of the many reasons why assault weapons need to be banned. These are weapons created for war, not for a mentally unstable young white male to use to take out his aggressions on his classmates. In a shocking news report on ABC, a 15-year-old high school student tried buying alcohol, and was laughed at by the clerk. He then tried buying cigarettes. Denied again. Lottery tickets. No dice. Finally he went to a gun show. Walked in, pointed to a gun, said he would like to buy it, and less than 10 minutes later he left, gun in hand.

I will march on Washington however long it takes for the ban on assault weapons to become law. I will use my voice as often, as loudly (y’all know how loud I am!) as I can to draw attention to the epidemic of mass shootings in this country. I am tired of running memorial 5ks in honor of teachers shot in school. The solution is clear as day. As the headline of an article in “The Onion” stated – “No way to stop mass shootings says ONLY country in the world where they regularly happen.”

HEY NRA: GAG IS COMING FOR YOU – YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED! Join us! Straight, gay, whatever… we meet every other Thursday at the LGBTQ Center from 7-9!  We need everyone! Go to for www.gaysagainstguns.net for more information.

Years ago when I was living hundreds of miles South of NYC, close to the Beach, I was having a hard time meeting friends and establishing a friend group. It took me months and months, and funny enough, most of these friends were all transplanted Northerners.  We were a ragtag bunch, but I felt I found in this group people I could count on and people who would be supportive and there for me when needed. The city we were living in was a very transient and very “party” centric. People came and went. One day they would be there, the next they would have moved on. No explanation. No goodbye. I considered myself very lucky to have found this stable group.

My then boyfriend and I competed in a charity bicycle ride. My friends drove my car hundreds of miles, showing up at the finish line, complete with handmade signs. My very own cheering section. My boyfriend was in awe, with the amount of support I received, commenting that he wished his friends had gone above and beyond as my friends had done.

At the heart of this group was a gay couple in their 30s, Keith and Billy, together for more than 10 years at this point, and my co-worker and roommate Lori.  Looking back on this core group, even though I had introduced everyone, I was definitely the odd man out. Lori, Keith, and Billy were thick as thieves. Keith and Billy gravitated more towards women than gay men.  Fortunately, I was very comfortable with my “odd man out” status as I had cultivated a larger group of friends as well, consisting of gay men, co-workers, intramural sports teammates, workout partners, past tricks, etc.

One negative quality of our group was the way we talked to each other. We all had fun ribbing each other and “coming for each other” as the gays say it now.  However, it usually went too far…and it usually was directed towards me. More than once I voiced concern acknowledging that our good-natured joking had gone a step too far. Most times it would end but often there would be remarks of “stop being so sensitive” or “calm down, we are only joking.” Although I’d preferred an apology, I’m tough, we were friends, it wasn’t really that big of a deal…Or so I thought.

Fast forward a few years later and this once stable group was hit with the city’s transient effect.  People moved, friendships evolved, some grew stronger and some faded away. Lori had moved back to her hometown and I had moved about 30 miles north.  Keith, Billy and I lost touch. Then, in November 2012, my mom passed away. That June I moved back to NYC for good. I had not talked to any of them in over a year, although I did see Lori when she came to my mother’s wake. (She was living back on Long Island).

The next few months, as imagined, were unbelievably difficult. Living with Dad back in the family home there was a black cloud of sadness that enveloped both of us. Slowly but surely the cloud grew smaller as the weeks slowly turned into months. I felt that I had turned a corner. (Which was false, as you can never really turn a corner mourning the death of a parent.)

Cue a snow day at home! Always guaranteed to put a smile on my face. Getting to watch rom-coms or Bravo or “Price is Right” all day!  However, this particular snow day took an unexpected turn when I started getting weird text messages. Things like “hey you’re Robert…you’re a teacher right?” “Hey, Teach can you teach me [something perverted or dirty?].  All of the messages had pretty much the same area code. I called my friend Jack and explained all these weird messages…Jack then seemed to have a sudden flashback exclaiming “Oh fuck! Keith and Billy stopped by my work, super drunk and on their way to the bars.” We pieced together some information that hadn’t made any sense at the moment but together provided an overall narrative of what was happening.

Keith and Billy had written my name and phone number on the bathroom wall of some gay bar. Class all the way with those two. By this point, I had not even had contact with either of them in close to two years.  Their actions were weird and random. What type of person does this? I called Verizon and within 10 minutes had a new phone number, and a highly coveted NYC 917 number, which I had heard wasn’t possible anymore. I should have sent them a thank you card.  In the years since I have spoken with Keith, he’s apologized and that was that.

Fast forward to this January. I was at my dad’s house cleaning out some closets and found a box of old pictures. There was a really nice one of me and Lori at a friend’s wedding. In the spirit of the New Year, and wanting to mend fences/reconnect, I had sent her the picture through an Instagram Direct Message. I wished her well, wished her family well (she is married with two young children now). I also said give my best to your family (her mother and sister were always very kind to me).  She replied with a snarky “Who is this?” then thanked me for the picture and said, “since you sent one it is only fair of me to send one also…” And then this picture appeared:

This is a pic of the evidence from six years ago that proves Jack and I were indeed right about those strange, inappropriate text messages. After the initial jaw-dropping, I quickly blocked her. This girl has kept that pic for six years, taking pride in her cruelness.  On the one hand, her commitment to this practical joke could be applauded. On the other hand, I can’t believe I ever considered this person to be one of my best friends.

I am by no means a saint and by no means an innocent bystander in relationship failures.  I have royally fucked up friendships that I regret to this day. If I could take back my mistakes I would in a heartbeat, as I know how bad it feels to be on the other side. I have been royally fucked over by friends.  I have been heartbroken by guys I thought I loved and I have also left a trail of broken hearts in my wake. I realized too late who were just “party” friends, and I underestimated people I considered “party” friends when they showed me that they were damn good people who I now consider lucky to be in my lifeboat.  

That being said, not once, have I considered any form of revenge or retaliation after a relationship ended. No matter how upset, angry, heartbroken, crushed I am, my thought process never gets to that point.  In talking about these latest developments with my friend Raquel, she succinctly laid it out quite clearly, “There is nothing you could have done differently, nothing you could have done to them that warrants what they did to you. You did not deserve this and it quite frankly has nothing to do with you. It’s a reflection of her character. End of story.”  And that’s it in a nutshell. Some people are nice, some people aren’t. Lori is not.

But I will still remember and focus on the overwhelming number of good times we had. The laughs. The great memories. I don’t dwell on how we ended and what happened. I’m ok with that. Call me “Miss Congeniality” if you must; I already have the sash in my closet!

@copyrighted February 21, 2019